There is absolutely no greater loss than the death of a child. It feels like your world has ended, and to some extent it probably has. You will forever be changed by this experience. It will take time to begin to recover. Take each day at a time and dont try and pretend you are coping as this will just prolong the recovery time. You cant speed up the process and little by little you may see a glimmer of the old you. You will begin to smile a little (and feel guilty for doing so) and gradually each day will be a little brighter and easier.
People will tell you time heals, but it doesnt, it just eases the pain. It will always be with you and always a part of who you are.
Over time you will become more of the old you who people remember but YOU will feel different.
They will always be part of your lifeHow does a parent cope with the death of a child?
My heart hurts for those who have lost a child. I don't think there is anyway to get through that without the comfort and peace from God. God bless you
i could not even imagine, but there faith, family , friends, one minute at a time, a lot of tears, for me i would need a straight jacket and meds, very very sad
God that is so sad. If it was your child you are talking about, i am so sad and my heart goes out to you. Honestly, i don't ever think you can REALLY cope with it and get over it. He was a peice of you and you will always remember him. I would pray a lot to him and to god. Visit him regulary, keep his spirit alive. I don't know how anyone copes with the loss of a child, they just do. Time heals all wounds for the most part. Take it day by day at first and keeping busy. Talk to friends/family. Have someone there with you all the time, at night time. This will keep your mind from directly thinking about it by having others around you talking to you constantly. Some ppl need med's to deal. I cannot imagine. Sorry i can't give you a direct answer but there isn't one. Good luck and god bless
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother December 2005. My parents are still trying to cope with his death. You will have good days and bad days. We went to a grieving class at a local hospital that helped. It showed us that we were normal in the way were feeling. The main thing is to find a relative or friend that you can cry with, get mad with and share the good times with. If you don't have support it is going to be so much harder. Don't know if you go to church or believe in God! But for me I don't know how I would have gotten this far without God. My prayers are with you.
Hey I am so sorry for your loss, I know your pain first hand. In 1996 I lost a son at age 13 and it still hurts today on his birthday or holidays. I am adding you to our prayer list as being a minister it's one thing to bury an older person but to bury a child who has hardly lived is very painful and it's tempting to turn away from God but I encourage you to go to God. Seek help from a member of the clergy to help you deal with your grief and talk about your pain don't hold it in. Holding it will only delay your recovery and healing. You never really heal totally but you will learn to cope better as time goes by. God Bless your family and take care.
I'm sorry for your loss. Everyone copes with the death of a child differently. When my sister lost her son, she turned to her religion and to her family for guidance. She also kept a keepsake box of all his belongings, and every year, on the anniversary of his death, goes through the box to remind her of him. You might also want to talk to someone about your loss, or, if you're not comfortable, invest in a journal and put your thoughts there.
i know first hand what you are going threw and its been 5 years now for the loss of my son and if i wasent a christian and dident have the hope that i could make it to heaven to see my child again i wouldent have made it the 5 years , it has never healed i have my strong days and my weak days i just ask god when im weak to give me strenth for the day and he dose it i use to baricade my self in my room all day on his birthdays and the day he died but now its getting to where i have stoped doing that and am getting stronger by asking god for help thats the only way i can make it thru it ill keep you in my prayers for god to give you and your family strenth , and peace that you all need
I am very sorry about your son. My grandmother lost two children and she never really recovered. She died almost three years ago and when she was on her death bed she said she saw her kids comming for her.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
I lost my child (stillborn) and my mother. I am still reeling from these losses so close together. I am also have multiple losses/traumas, a troubled marriage, and a problem with a sibling, and feel like I have no one...
When you are ready for this:
1. You may be able to find grief support groups in your community. You can call a few churches and check them out or call the hospital to see if there are any in your city or nearby.
2. Reading books about this and checking online resources. 3. Praying and asking others to pray for you. Finding others to pray for.
4. Take it minute by minute because taking life day by day or even hour by hour can be overwhelming.
5. Doing new things for yourself.
6. If you have other children, focus on them.
7. Try not to blame yourself with ';If I had....then my child would still be here'; (I know it's hard).
8. Get journals and write about
a. all the things you did and said together
b. things you want to say
c. what others would like you to say if you went before them
d. how you would like your own funeral and rights to be
e. what you want to say to other family members, friends relatives: one for each one if you like
(1) Special messages for each person
(2) How you would like each person to behave and feel and carry on after you are gone
f. dreams you have and have had about your child good or bad with the date if possible and possible dream interpretations if you'd like
If people in the Bible had dreams they wrote about, then you can write your dreams down too.
9. Pictures
a. Get copies made
b. put some in your 3-ring binders
c. Get clear photo protector sheets to put photos in there
d. Maybe even try to laminate a photo and insert it in 3-ring binder in the front
e. label the side of the 3 ring binder and put the journals with it- use a permanent ink pen if you don't have a label made
f. Get cards saved up and make a scrap book section in the 3-ring binder
g. make sure everything is protected in the 3 ring binder--laminate it or find some other way to protect the items (you can also put the thin 3 holed journals in the 3 ring binder instead of loose leaf papers)
10. Holidays and other days can suck, for lack of better words. Do what is comfortable and play it by ear. Start new traditions or honor the old ones. I lost my mother just before Christmas and my baby around Easter. My mother's birthday was just around the corner. Maybe if you still want to give presents, you can wrap one up for each occassion. When I lost my baby, I got balloons when I was physically better, and releaased them like messages. Look for cards you gave and received, your child giving you a message. I felt better when I found a card from me to my mom and from her to me with a picture.
10. Play your video tapes and cassette tapes and answering machine messages over and over and over as many times as you need to or keep them safe for when you are ready to hear them. Make copies in case one breaks so you'll have back ups. Play messages over and over again. If you don't have anything with your child on them, you can replay your child's voice over and over in your head, maybe try to find someone who has a copy or sounds similar enough that you can use that person's voice.
11. Pretend that your child just went to a sleepover and will be back soon. It can get you through a little more time to put yourself in denial.
12. Church counselor or some other professional grief counselor and coping counselor.
13. Find your child's diary in the hopes of finding what your child's wishes were and do something honoring. There may be some stuff in there you might not be ready to see, so maybe have someone else look through it for you until you are ready.
14. Grab some items your child gave you or some items that were most valuble to your child and hug them and kiss them and try not to get these things dirty so you won't have to wash them. Maybe you can feel closer to your child by doing this. I think the way I see it is if someone touches a glass of milk with their fingers or to their lips, their DNA from the lips and fingerprints will be on it until it's washed off. I have kept my mother's cell phone and the blanket she made me. If your child had any favorite stuffed toys even at the age of 18 or clothing with a scent or deodorant, it can't hurt to sleep with one if it comforts you. I also got her hair fibers, and that helped me feel better to tape her hair fibers to the inside of books.
15. Change nothing about the room, but if it hurts too much, close the door and see nothing is changed if you can help it until you are ready. I could not deal with my baby's death--my mother when she was alive removed everything from my child's room that served as a reminder.
16. Find others who are grieving and need solace and/or who have accepted and healed for the most part from their losses. Help the others who are grieving or make some kind of group or friendships with them.
17. If you are not ready to deal with your child's death on one day, it is ok to let others know you are not in that mood that day to deal and just do something to pamper yourself. Your child would not want you to suffer endlessly and would want you to be happy and take care of yourself, even if you ever had any disagreements. You love your child enough to come here, and I want you to take care of yourself, how much more would your own child?
18. Think about what your child would be doing in heaven right now.
19. Help others. Give, volunteer, etc. If your child was active in volunteering, maybe try that out. Try out a hobby your child loved or support someone doing that hobby your child enjoyed. Donate to the homeless or domestic abuse shelter and food banks or habitat for humanity. Find a child online on one of those organizations to support (like the kind where you pay $20 a month to help a child have porridge and medical care and basic necessities), or buy a goat, water fountain, etc. for those in a developing country who drink dirty muddy water and depend on goats, bugs, or chickens as a means for survival, or a worthy cause to support, especially if your child ever mentioned any causes that were important. Or maybe volunteer for Salvation Army or a cancer or heart disease walk to keep you busy. Maybe even help with laws and bills in the city to make driving safer for everyone if at all possible or making sure cars are built safer and people live safer lives. Make your vote and opinion count.
20. Allow yourself time to grieve, and do whatever you've got to do to express yourself in positive ways like painting, crying, talking about it with others who are ready to talk about it (some friends and family members may not want to or be ready to talk about it or certain aspects of it) etc.. Check out the stages of grief. (I'm not sure I buy into all that just yet). Check out my questions and the answers to them.
21. Get together with other family members and friends who shared love for your child and talk about good times and maybe some bad when you are ready, or just the good times.
22. Write letters and poems and share them with others.
23. Think about what would your child be doing now and do those things with someone else, or try to occupay your mind and keep yourself busy.
24. I have heard that I have to go through the whole grieving process. But I have also heard that I can do it at my own time. Don't be in a hurry to go through all this. I'm not. I want to stay in numbness and not feel anything for a long, long time but I seem to be bouncing around nowadays with flucuating moods.
25. If you were religious before, maybe have a private talk with a religious authority to help confirm your faith, what you believe, and why you believe what you believe.
Please let me know if there's any thing I should know as well to cope too.
i am sorry as well.
I was pregnant back in 2004 and lost my baby at 27 weeks pregnant. mine was not ever here to cry but i can still feel the pain or losing a child.
we had to have him and have a funeral and all.
I dealt with the loss as good as I knew how.....Prayer and finding comfort in my husband and family. We still morn the loss of our son not knowing what he would be today what color his eyes would be. Knowing that he is in no pain and has complete peace is what keeps us going.
Even with this comfort I know that it will never go away but it has gotten easier over the years and remembering has became a little easier as well. Time and family.....
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