I think that in time kids figure out who's telling them the truth and who isn't. If you get too upset about the things her mother tells her, you're giving her mother more power (exactly what you don't want). Play it cool and ignore as much as possible.
If it becomes abusive, consider getting a social worker involved.How can a parent be so cruel to her kids when it comes to 50/50 custudy with the Ex?
Confront her. Tell her what you know and tell her how immature it is. You should explain that it hurts the child, not you or your fiance. It is not right what she is doing, and honestly, it will eventually turn your daughter against her. It may take years (as in she may be a teenager before she realizes it), but it does happen. My cousin was in a similar situation with her mom bad mouthing her father when they split. As she got older, she realized they were lies and with other crap that went on, she ended up cutting almost all ties with her mom. She remains fairly close to her dad and his new wife however. Explain that by doing this, she will not win over your daughter. Your daughter will be smart enough to realize it someday and it makes her look like the bad guy.
Whatever you do, do not resort to her tactics. It would only confuse the poor child and make her feel like everyone hates each other.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately, adults who seperate can act more like kids than your own kids. It's not fair and it's disgusting but it happens so many times. You can try explaining to your wife that all she is doing is hurting and confusing her own daughter by talking about her dad like that, but I am not sure how well that work since she is already talking bad about you to a kid (that's so sick). Anyways, the best advice I can give is tell your daughter that you love her very much and that her mom is just angry with you and shouldn't be saying things like that to her. Just be there for your daughter and show her how much you care and she will eventually see between the lines. Kids are pretty good at things like that. Good Luck.
Its sad that your daughters mother would do a thing like that. I am in a situation with my sons father where he shown no interest in his son. He does not call him or return his calls and this has been going on for sometime now. In spite of this I still have made a decision to try and keep the peace. I NEVER say anything negative or degrading about his father (to him atleast sometimes I have to vent to someone else!) I keep all negative talk about his father away from my son and only speak on the good things because I have found that all things come to the light eventually and your daughter will no doubt grow up to be a young lady and she will know and remember that her dad was always nice and spoke good about her mom and wonder why her mother behaved like such a b*tch.
You should confront the mother.It depends how old the child is If shes five and knows nothing of whats going on its better to talk to the mom because she might put bad ideas to her but if shes 12 and up and understands clearly you should STILL talk to her because its not right no be saying that =)
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