Has anyone experienced the difficult decision of placing their parent in a nursing home?

My Mother is going on 85 years old. She lives with my husband and me. She has dementia and heart, lung and kidney disease. Our doctor feels it's time to place her in a facility that offers more care than we can give her at home. Currently, she is in the hospital with a back problem, that has taken away most of her mobility. Common sense tells me he is absolutely correct. But, my heart is breaking over this decision.... Has anyone experienced this situation? If so how did you get through it? ThanksHas anyone experienced the difficult decision of placing their parent in a nursing home?
You must ask yourself this question, '; Can I take good care of mom.'; If the answer is no, find a place for her to get that care. Don't let your guilt get in the way.


If you are worried about her care at a facility. Visit at odd hours. Middle of the night, first thing in the morning, (6 AM ).


Call the state division of aging and ask about facility that you are considering.Has anyone experienced the difficult decision of placing their parent in a nursing home?
Oh dear. It is a very very difficult decision. My father had terminal lung cancer and there was nothing the hospital could do. He was also 85. Initially we thought Keeping him at home is also quite difficult in case there is an emergency and we do not know what to do but as he was predicted to live for 6 months more , the hospital could not accomodate him. In the end, we suffered the same delimma as you and could not bear to put him at the nursing home thinking its only for a few months. So, we did what was best as we could afford in both sense. Medically and emotionally. We brought him home and hired a nurse during the day. At night we took turns to sleep with him. We borrowed an oxygen tank from the hospice care. It worked out just find but there were times when we had to send him to hospital in an ambulance and he had to suffer much during the delay. That was when his lungs were drowned with fluid. You can ask the maid agency for Filippino maids who were nurses before. They just cost a bit more than the usual helps. Also, find out how much the nursing homes charge and you can make a decision from there. Hope this puts your mind at ease. Take care.
I put my father, at age 67, in a nursing home just a couple of weeks ago. He has early-onset Alzheimer's and had become very violent. Every few days my mom would call me and my husband to come over because my dad was hurting her. Finally he hurt her so bad she had to call 911. The police took him away and he was in the regular hospital for 2 weeks while we frantically tried to find a nursing home. We found a great one that specializes in dementia care. He is ';combative'; as they say, but he hasn't hurt anyone there as bad as he hurt my mom. His condition has gone way downhill from the stress of being removed from his home but eventually honestly he would have killed my mom. I hate seeing him there but we have no choice. I told him it is a hotel with excellent service and he believes me.


If not for the violence he would still be home. He could dress himself, feed himself, use the bathroom, etc. All that function is now lost due to stress and over-medication at the hospital, and he needs constant care, so even if the violence could be solved, he can't come home again.


It is awful to do. It will break your heart. You will cry. It will be expensive beyond anything you can imagine ($308/day for my dad) and some days you won't feel your mother is better off, but if you can't care for her properly at home, it is the best thing to do.
My dad faced this problem with grandmaw. She is 90, altho she doesn't take medication, she was getting allshimers(spell check don't help, sorry). She began to get a great fear. The doctor said she was returning to her childhood, and someone had scared her very badly for many years in her childhood days. So dad, it almost killed him, did as the doctor suggested and put her in a nursing home. She has been there 2 years now, and she likes it. She didn't at first, but she got used to everyone, now she won't even come home for a visit. Dad has had much needed rest also. Plus grandmaw got to where she couldn't take a bath and had to wear diapers. That was embarrassing for my dad. But all is great today, dad and grandmaw are happy.
I'm sorry I haven't personally been through this. My mom struggled with this and my husbands family may face this soon. I think if you know in your heart that you don't have the capabilities to adequately are for your family member you have to put them in a home. This doesn't mean you cannot care for them. You will have plenty of time to visit and help with your mother. I know that you will find the best facility in your area to help your mother. Best wishes during this difficult time... : )
MY GOD GIRL. Stop her suffering. Let her DIE with some respect. Keep her home
I have a 75 yr old mother with a nervous breakdown illness , my situation is a little different from yours coz i don;t have to decide to put my mother to a nursing home because we can;t afford it but my problem is among the 7 children of my mother am the only one who cared for her . It pains me to think that my mother have taken care all of us and send us all to school but her other children just don;t care about her condition. This experience just given me so much thinking that we can never tell who among our loved ones will give back their love to us by the time we need us.This is really hard time for me and my mom coping with her illness.You're lucky you have someone who help you out with your mom someone whom you can talk to when you feel so down about your mom's situation .With me am all alone but i do have 4 children who sometimes help me but they are not so dependable because I don;t have a husband to help me whenever I need an adult. All in all its what we need is a lot of patience and lots of prayers for strength to go on.
i am a man . i was able to stay home and care for my mother as she was dying. i made a promise to her that i would not put her in a home. i kept my word.


if you are able to stay home and devote your life to the care of your parent then do this. if you are not able to do this then i can tell you that you must at least do this other thing.


the other thing is really more then one thing it is a number of important things. 1 OK your parent has dementia but that can be something that comes and goes . i am sure you have seen this use the times your mother has free from dementia or is suffering the least from it to talk with her about nursing homes. 2 be truthful in your talk with her and talk plainly.


3 . if in the end you both she and you find it best that she be in a nursing home then you make a absolute vow that you will not ever stop visiting her and making absolutely sure that no abuse or lack of care is affecting her care.


do that please.


i should have mentioned that my mother was the director of nursing in a nursing home for many years.
Your doctor has advised you to do this because she will receive better care than you are humanly capable of giving to her in your home.





Try to find a good nursing home that is not too far from your residence. You can visit her often and find comfort in knowing that she is being well taken care of.





Good Luck...